Sex & Relationship
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful.
Provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
– Woody Allen
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Remove ads – support me on Patreon
God, what a boring blog post this will be. Hold my hand and we’ll get through it, and I’ll aim to keep it as short and sweet as possible. Want to remove ads from my site? Here’s how… I really want to make more audio porn, not just of my own work but with fabulous The post Remove ads – support me on Patreon appeared first on Girl on the Net.
Are you my next Dildo Butler?
I am seeking a conscientious, sex-positive individual to fill the role of Dildo Butler. This is a highly unique live-out position that requires professionalism, discretion, and an exceptionally open-minded attitude. To be successful in this role you must, above all, possess a respectful demeanor that does not waver in the presence of sexual activity. If you can't watch porn with a friend without feeling embarrassed, this is not the job for you. The role of Dildo Butler is a multi-faceted personal assistant type position that blends elements of hospitality with administrative and creative work. It requires close interaction with a person who is masturbating. Applicants should be organized, meticulous, and able to handle sensitive situations with maturity and a sense of humor. You must have impeccable character references as well as extensive knowledge of the sex toy industry. This is a multi-cat household. JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: General maintenance of my sex toy collection, including regular charging, cleaning, and organizingOverseeing inventory of lubricant and home office supplies, re-stocking as neededProofreading blog posts and scheduling social media promotionAssisting with photoshoots, including corralling my cats Light housekeeping (sweeping, dusting, cleaning my keyboard) and occasional errandsMiscellaneous administrative tasks, such as answering emails and updating blog postsSocial media monitoring in the event of having gone "viral"Attending masturbation sessions (see below)As Dildo Butler, you will be responsible for working all non-recreational masturbation sessions, which will be scheduled in advance. During a masturbation session, you will be asked to reside in another room until your assistance is required. Shifts will range from 1-4 hours. No two masturbation sessions will be the same, so adaptability is a must. During your shift, you may be called upon to perform any of the following duties: Retrieving, charging, or cleaning a specific sex toyCat wrangling (you will be supplied with laser pointer and other cat entertainment) Refilling my lube dispenserStanding by and holding a buzzing vibrator as I compare it directly to another toyPreparing a light snack (e.g. carrots and ranch, cheese and crackers, Goldfish)Ordering take-out to be delivered post-sessionOther small unanticipated tasks (bringing my headphones, refilling my water bottle, etc)Respectfully offering a choice: the Splendid Piph or BS Wild Stripes. MASTURBATING WHILE ON THE CLOCK IS EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN. Jacking off is my job, not yours. As Dildo Butler, you will undoubtedly be exposed to pornography, both visual and auditory. You will be expected to separate erotic sounds and objects from physical arousal; please do not apply if you do not believe this to be possible. Our relationship should be one of employer and employee, and therefore must remain strictly professional at all times. Additionally, after each masturbation session, you will be responsible for: Wine serviceTaking dictation of orally delivered observations during a debriefing periodServing take-out, if applicable, that has been appropriately heatedCollecting used sex toys and washing them thoroughlyLaundering soiled towels, sheets, and blanketsReturning dry sex toys to their correct drawers, or charging them Applicants should be organized, meticulous, and able to handle sensitive situations with maturity and a sense of humor. No two masturbation sessions will be the same, so adaptability is a must. QUALIFICATIONS: Encyclopedic knowledge of the sex toy industryExceptional awareness of sex toy names, manufacturers, types, and materialsAbility to differentiate between chargers from various manufacturersUnderstanding of which vibrators are fully waterproofStrong familiarity with my blog and my collection specificallyOutstanding verbal and written communication, with a sharp attention to detailEase and maturity around nudity, masturbation, and pornographyComfort interacting with human liquids, including ejaculation and menstrual bloodExperience properly and thoroughly cleaning a wide variety of sex toy materials and typesAbility to handle sensitive situations with care and a sense of humor Proficiency with technology (WordPress, social media platforms, spreadsheets)Typing speed of at least 75 WPM Basic cooking skillsThe following are not requirements, but can increase your chances of being hired: Adult industry experienceFeline handling skillsFormal training in writing, photography, or social media marketingKnack for recommending wine and porn to suit specific tastesBackground in stenography An Australian accentApplicants must be 21 years of age or older. Flexible scheduling with availability to work weekends on occasion. Compensation: $25/hour DOE. Relocation fees covered for the right applicant. Formal wear not required but appreciated. DO NOT APPLY TO THIS POSITION IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND PORNOGRAPHY OR SEX TOYS. Apply now Do you have the fortitude to excel in the role of Dildo Butler? Please submit your application in the comments section below by answering the following initial interview questions: Given the job requirements, why are you an excellent fit for this position?Do you consider yourself a cat person? Tell me about a time you successfully wrangled a cat.Down time is a part of this job. How will you occupy yourself while I masturbate?What organizational strategies would you implement in my office? In which drawer would you file away the Jimmyjane Intro 2? The Fun Factory Volta? I will be reviewing applications in the coming months and will be in touch with stand-out applicants to schedule video interviews.
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